day fifty six and seven

Fifty six… the exam haul is well underway. I think I have basically finished my first paper (I know- I literally banged in out in a matter of days, and I may well be done well before the deadlines are due but that just means a longer summer). I feel pretty drained right now, so that I’m not much conversation at the dinner table these days, but honestly, sometimes my head just feels fried with the amount of reading and thinking and writing. Surely this is stimulating lots of- is it grey matter?- in the brain, which should highly reduce the risk of early onset dementia, so let’s look on the positive side.

On another positive note, I am really enjoying Como Agua! It is a book in the magical realism genre, which takes a while to get your head around. Basically, I think it is a Mexican literally genre (but like most things has been appropriated all around the world) but kind of comes from believing in magic, but actually believing that it is real- I think. Have a wee read here about what it is as I don’t think I am explaining it very well. Whereas books like Harry Potter are definitely about magic, magic realism books kind of put magic in real life situations, so that it seems fully viable that it happens. I feel like I’m reading it all as a lot of metaphor, hyperbole and stuff, but I’m not sure if this is a correct reading lol. After exams, I might read more about it, and try to understand it myself.

On a less positive notes, a few unis have announced online teaching for Autumn. I have mixed feelings about this; of course its annoying that I am paying for uni and really want a real uni experience, but at the same time I am aware that I am still recovering from an eating disorder, and it may have been highly unlikely that I would have been able to make it back to uni then anyway. So, I almost am half glad that everyone is missing out on uni and not just me, because I may well have become a distance learner anyway, but I know this is very selfish. Still, if there ever was a time to enter into anorexia recovery this is the time. The perfect excuse not to leave the house, don’t have to miss out on anything, can experiment with eating different foods, can worry less about gaining weight because no one sees, and most importantly I have family support 24/7. And I deep down know that had corona not happened, I probably would not have come home during easter, and I would be back at uni now, miserable, exhausted and starving.

Well, on a more cheery note, I am in general not finding exams too stressful. I am getting through them, as I knew I would, and only about a week to go until I am free for who knows how long into the future. Maybe December at this rate…

Fifty seven… another day, another early morning start and straight to my laptop. Well, not complete straight to my laptop, as I’ve started becoming a big fan of taking my time with my morning stretches. Like I really enjoy them, which is weird because I don’t like yoga, and never really got into Tai Chi, and I can’t do pilates to save my life, so it would make sense to not enjoy stretching as well. Right? Well, wrong- honestly stretching is literally the best part of my day, and I think its because with stretching I can do them at my own pace and do what I want, where I always find yoga and all that just a bit too slow and boring. Once I get bored with one move, I just do something else and by the end of it I feel all woken up and pretty ready for my day. When exams end (I feel like my life is just me saying ‘when exams end…. and I bet that when they do end I will not do half the things I think I will lol) I may dedicate more of my life to stretching. Who knows- I could become really good at it? (although since I still can’t touch my toes- which is weird since I have been stretching every morning for the past two months lol- this is not the most likely, but a girl can dream).

I had a very enjoyable chat with my therapist this morning, and I am actually starting to quite like her. Although, apparently it’s quite hard to be a therapist and get this balance, because they need to be liked enough by their patients that people open up to them, but they can’t be liked too much, or else the person will become dependent on them. Quite a hard balance to strike, but I think mine does an excellent job- she’s good at listening and everything, but I’m not super in love with her or anything. I’ve noticed though that she doesn’t really give much advice; I think the point of cognitive behavioural therapy is that I am meant to come to my own conclusions and answers about everything, and not be told by someone else, although I wouldn’t mind is she shared her advice just a wee bit more, but I think creating silences is meant to encourage someone to open up more, which even though I know this is the reason she is being silent, it does still work to be honest. Its like a game of who is going to break the awkward silence first, and it does always end up being me lol.

day fifty four and five

Fifty four… I feel like this must be a lockdown thing, but my skin is just not glowing the way one would wish that it is. At least there is no one really to see it, (except myself everyday in the mirror) but I am really not loving it right now. I am a firm believer in the Ordinary serum for breakouts and so am layering this on my forehead every morning and night.

Also, I am enjoying some of the little benefits of staying at home like being able to freely eat the food in the cupboards without worrying about the next food shop: there are chia seeds, olives and fancy yogurts: all things I would not buy myself while being a university student, so that is very enjoyable. I was talking to my sister as to whether we should be contributing to the grocery shopping: after all we are twenty and twenty one, and so technically adults loving with their parents, and so should we be pulling our weight a bit more? But then again, I tend to think that our parents are super lucky to have us living with them, because lets be honest, the house is much funner with us in it than not. Like, my sister and I crack all the best jokes, make conversations and keep our parents right about what is appropriate (my mum has recently been added into a work group chat, and has literally no group chat social skills, often wanting to put in low-key embarrassing stuff, so we do have to keep her right a lot of the time. And my dad- well he is stressed with work, and to be honest makes a lot of poor work decisions in our opinion. Like, neither my sister or I area mangers, but surely it is just general knowledge not to email staff at 8pm at night?) And also, neither of us are earning an income, so I think it is fair enough that we really can’t help out a lot. Like, we clean and help cook and tidy, and are ‘good’ daughters I think. So I don’t feel too guilty after all.

So what about exams? Well, my questions were not really what I wanted and I’ve chosen two, but still don’t know what to do for the last one. I can either write about someone with anaemia- but her reticulate count is high, so does she really have anaemia? Ir someone with thyroid disease, although I don’t know much about that really. My sister has been a great support with the exams actually; she knows nothing about science or health, but is being very kind and encouraging with is good. It kind of sucks having these exams for as long as we do however, because it just means that they are there needing to be done every second of the day. It is really important to discipline myself during these open book, week long exam thing because otherwise I could spend hours in the night, and get up at the crack of dawn to just keep typing. But getting a work and play balance is vital, and I will continue to try and not work before 9am or after 9pm: so that at least I have like 12 hours of uninterrupted calm.

I feel bad because it is my Granny birthday today, but I can’t go and see her. I was thinking it will be very sad for her to spend her birthday alone, but then she found out she actually has to go to the hospital (Shock I know!) for something to do with her kidneys. Normally, this would be quite a let down of a birthday, but I think under the circumstances, getting out of the house (wow), speaking to someone (What?!) and seeing a new place (omg) will actually be a great birthday treat for her. Who knew that going to the hospital could be so exciting?

To Kill a Mockingbird is now finished, and I’ve got to say it really was a truly amazing book. I was dubious, and thought it may be overrated, but am happy to be wrong; it is touching, thoughtful, funny, deep but also very readable, has a lot fo symbolism (which explains shy it is always studies in schools I think- the use of those literal techniques is really quite something lol) and I did really enjoy it from start to finish. Highly recommend. I have now moved onto Como Agua Para Chocolate, as I have heard it also has a lot of symbolism and is sexy and food related, so really should tick a lot of boxes. I am reading it in English first and then shall hopefully read the Spanish version afterwards. Speaking of which, my Spanish learning is improving quite a fair bit. I know less vocal than I did when I did it in school at GCSE but I think I’m learning actual Spanish you know, not Spanish that helps you pass an exam. Its weird the things we learn in school that are alright for a textbook, but really are never used in true life; for example we never learnt hija de puta in school, but that is probably the most common phrase I hear pop up in all the Spanish TV and reggaeton. I’m thinking how much Duolingo it will take me until I get to a level that I could actually live and work in Spain (post lockdown of course) and I’m sure I’ll have a very familiar friend in the little green owl by then.

day fifty two and three

Fifty two… ah the first day of exams have arrived. They are very different than my usual first day of exams; I have never had this open book thing, but I guess no one in the world is doing things the usual way that they have done before, but here we go all the same. I have a safety net mark, which I honestly doubt that I’ll score higher in, but even still, I think after so many years of doing exams, they still always bring stress and fear and panic, even when my rational self knows that they do not have to. Still, I wanted to write to remind myself why I should not panic. And, like anyone with scattered thoughts, I decided I should make this into a list.

  1. You are worth a hell of a lot more than an exam grade. In fact, you are worth much more than a uni degree, and you know what- the only person who will remember what you scored in you second year uni exams is just you. In 10, even 5 years, you will definitely not remember a single thing that you learnt for these exams, even now- what is creatinine lol, and will I never need to recall the stages of starvation off my heart?
  2. You are a very strong person, who has come through a lot of stuff way scarier and greater than exams, and you will conquer so much more crazy things. Think of battles that you’ve faced with mental health, life lessons, friendships and so much more- and how these have taught you more about yourself and life than anything you have read in a book or a powerpoint. You are the person you are today because of these moments, and not because of what you wrote on an exam paper.
  3. Nothing is worth sacrificing even a day of happiness for. It is silly to say ‘I’ll have a shit few weeks of exams and then I can relax in summer’. Every single day of your wonderful life is worth living to the full, and you don’t need to let a single day go where you are not investing in making it one of the happiest days of your life. Why should your calmness and happiness be rationed and saved up for ‘better’ days. Today can be unreal and you shouldn’t accept the fact that you need to be stressed over these next weeks.
  4. So many people have done this before and so many people will do it after you. Think back to the big deals in school- juniors school summer exams which you probably cried over, and now cannot remember a single question or mark. And loads of people did that before and are doing that now, and will continue to do so. It doesn’t make you stress any less real at the time, or for you for feel silly or invalid worrying about what I guess is a pretty trivial thing, but just to take comfort in the fact that you are among thousands worrying about exams and lest be honest, you will all do fine.
  5. You are in a privileged position to be worrying about exams. A) you are so fortunate to be in university sitting exams, so that is pretty great. B) there is literally a global pandemic on right now, and your biggest worry is whether you can describe the difference between type 1 and type 2 diabetes. How bloody blessed/fortunate/lucky can a gal be? and C) I know it is cliche, but at least you are worrying because you somewhat care about what you are doing. You noisy what you are learning, and want to do well and this caring is important, because it means that you are purposeful and thoughtful and dedicated.
  6. At the end of the day, lets be real- you are not going to fail these exams by any means. You have never properly failed an exam before so it would be silly to think you are going to Strat now. Like, you really have to know nothing to fail, and you have been revising for the past few weeks AND it is open book. So don’t be irrational and silly please.

And so at midday today I will get my first set of exam questions and chose three out of six questions to write 500 words each on. And I get a week to do it. So realistically it is not that stressful at all, and I just need to take a step back and look at the bigger picture. Also, something my sister said the other day rang very true- we are not ‘working from home’ as people like to say, but we are more ‘trying to live and work in the same space as other people in the middle of a global pandemic’. It is silly to compare productivity and grades to other times, because I am me now, living in the present, a very different time and person than I was when I did my A levels for example. And so I just need to get a bit of perspective on the matter.

In truth, I don’t think I am as stressed as I am convincing myself that I am. I guess it’s just the exam time connotations, but even if I don’t even pass, I still have my safety net, and most importantly I still have my health, happiness, which are all that actually matters in the world. I just need to keep reminding myself of this over the next wee while, and then I’ll be grand.

day fifty and fifty one

Fifty… goodness fifty days have not passed since starting this blog. How time really does fly when you are doing nothing. So what nothingness did I get up to today? Well, my mum woke me up at 6.30 because she had a thought she heard or did her (what she described as) a corona cough. So, thinking it came from my room, so ran into my room in the morning in full on panic mood to see if I was coughing. Which I was not. And even if I was, I don’t really know why coming into my room would really solve the problem- if I did have corona she should really be staying out of my room, right? Well, luckily I fell back asleep and didn’t properly wake up until 8.15, but if I hadn’t have, then I would have been extremely resentful all day.

But since I did, the day could proceed happily. I took ages to get ready this morning, as usual and wants really starting my day properly until 11.30. Then I did some lectures (exams are released in two days!!) and then had lunch. Then I went for a walk with my dad. He had to work today, which feels weird because its a Sunday, and this messes up with out whole week routine, because last night some youths (lol) set fire to a golf shop that he manages. They had it on video through the security camera and he showed it to me and it really was quite crazy. Like, literally two maybe 18 year olds just calmly came up to the bins and set them alight and just stood and chatted and watched, and tried to make it spread by lifting things nearby and putting it on the flames. It was the most calm and normal thing ever; they may as well just had been doing gardening or something like that- no fear, no panic or drama, just casually setting alight two bins right against a building. It is quite interesting watching criminals at work, as it does remind you how normal they are- we kind to antagonise these people in our heads and turn them into people a lot more scary and dangerous than they are. And they didn’t get caught, so if you notice two very normal looking lads about, be aware- they could be about to set your bins on fire.

I am making dinner tonight, which is always slightly pressuring because my family love holding it against you if you make a bad meal. But, if I make too good a meal, I may be asked to make dinner more often, which I don’t want to be tied into. So it is a very thin line I am navigating regarding how to exhibit my culinary skills tonight.

Fifty one… ah my sister said she wished I could make dinner overnight, so I guess I must have overexerted myself; I guess I can’t help myself if I’m a queen in the kitchen. Well, after a lovely dinner I then watched more of Normal People, and oh my- it is so good. Like, I know, I know, everyone is going on about it, and I tend to wonder if

a) it wouldn’t be as popular as if we were not all housebound and just really wanting something fresh and new

b) everyone wasn’t going on about it so much, because how much of what we deem a good film or TV show, is because that is what society and other people are telling us, and the we are subconsciously absorbing that into our own decision making regrading two much we enjoy something.

Well, whether I’m just giving into the hype and following the trend or not, I love this show. It touches such sensitive issues with a lot of care and thought and is so real. Like, uni is difficult, it’s lonely, it’s strange and making friends and starting a new life is not always what you think it will be. I think its because we all go to uni with such high expectations, because its ‘the best time of our lives’ after all, but we are navigating a world of being a half adult, half child, and it’s bloody hard. I feel (I know so many people will say this too) that I fully relate to Connell. I didn’t LOVE school that much and wanted a fresh start, to make a new me and went away to uni. It was super fun first year, but I feel like in second year, when the adrenaline rush and excitement has worn off a bit, it gets a lot tougher, and I kind of realised how alone I was in a big city; I had friends, but at the end of the day, we are all alone together. Its a really good show, to make a long story short.

And what I did today? well, to be honest I’m not completely exhausted as Ive worked and worked and stressed and worried and overthought and panicked that tomorrow my exams start. 7 days for one of them and 10 days for another. To be honest, deep down I know that they will be okay, but I’m having that ‘day before exam feeling’ which is not very nice. I’m not sure how on top of these blogs I’ll be, but we shall just see how it goes I guess. I just know that I’m too tried and bored of everything to put much effort into these exams, but since they’re open book I feel like I should be delivering really good answers, that are well thought out and researched. I guess my examiners will have to juts be disappointed then.

day forty eight and nine

forty eight… my life has slightly progressed but also slightly worsened, after a terrible night sleep. Really, one of those nights where you honestly start thinking that you will stay awake the whole time, and see the moon come up, leave, hear the birds start chirping and then see the sun come up, and not get a second of it where you are even a little unconscious. I was very optimistic that I would have a good nights sleep- after all, the house issue had been sorted and all should be well. I made the mistake of reading a lot of To Kill a Mockingbird before going to bed however, and have come to the kind of dramatic court scene part, so that woke my brain up before bed, which is probably not the best. But, I was tired and ready to sleep, so was naively confident that this would be an easy drift into dreams. Except no.

And why? The most odd reason. I had noticed that evening that I had become quite itchy (gross I know, but awk well) but didn’t think too much of it. But lying in bed, I became more and more aware of a very itchy feeling all over my legs. And then my arms starting feeling itchy. And then my tummy and then my chest and then I turned the lights on to see what on earth was happening. And omg.

I had a literal rash all over my body, with like little white and red dots and bumps, that kind of looked like bites, but also just the way someones skin goes when they get stung by nettles- in fact exactly like that. But all over me. What on earth? What had I touched/eaten/been bitten by to get like this? And I literally could not sleep- my skin was so itchy and sore and annoying that I just lay in bed, scratching (I know this should not be done but what could I do?) and convincing myself that I have been infected by the plague. Rip me, just as I was getting everything sorted.

By some miracle, I fell asleep at one point, and when I woke up (at 6.50 by the way- bright and early, just the way we LOVE it :)) it was all gone. By magic. And that is my itchy night over, who knows why it came and where it went.

Forty nine… my life has become slightly more uneventful. I truly didi peak in terms of revision and now I just can’t be bothered to do anything 😦 my exams start on Tuesday and I cannot what juts to get them done, so I can leave this kind of no-mans land of revision/ not really revising and truely dedicate myself to summer. I have a fair few plans as to what a want to start to learn in summer, such as:

  1. I would not mind learning some calligraphy, I feel a lot of people are doing this to be fair, and it could be a skill which I may use later in life
  2. cooking more would be a good idea: practical and edible, and I want to be better a rustling up dishes, so for when I go back to uni
  3. I use to be really good at card tricks and I use to be able to do a Rubix cube, so I wouldn’t mind getting good at those again
  4. educating myself; this sounds very general, but basically in the last few days I have enjoyed reading articles and things about my sisters course, which is way more interesting than mine. I could totally get into teaching myself things about different courses; maybe history, some science, arts and English, which leads me on to
  5. reading: I am really really loving To Kill a Mockingbird, and cannot what until all I do is read basically all day everyday.

And probs lots more stuff- do more yoga maybe, get really good at Spanish and who nows what else, probably tidy as well.

I’m feeling quite lethargic these past few days, I’m not even really bothered to write these blogs, but I think I’ll keep going because it will be nice to look back on post-corona days. Although, I guess we are not sure when those days will come. I have phoned my Granny twice in the last few days and honestly feel kind of heartbroken for her, because she has now been locked in for 8 weeks, and I think is getting really sad. Theres just nothing we can do, other than wait for this to pass.

So what is some good news? Well, Normal People is brilliant- honestly the best show I have watched in a while! The acting is gold standard, and it’s set in Ireland (aka the best country on earth) and it deals with very touching and important issues in the best way possible. It was directed by a man and a woman and you can tell; the representation of sex is very consensual and realistic, which is very refreshing for television. I am definitely invested; I didn’t want to watch t at first, but have no regrets.

day forty six and seven

Forty six… I honestly sometimes feel cursed, I’m not going to lie. Everytime I seem to start feeling better and happy and optimistic, another absolutely shit thing occurs. And here we go.

So, I have major, and I mean MAJOR regrets about my choice of housemates last year. Like, I was first year uni- what’s the saying- bushy eyed and bright tailed?(lol no clue)- but anyway choose housemates at the start of the year, as everyone does, and now realise that I defo should have not. I had, lets just say, a very shit time living with them. And, I know, this is very bad, but when corona shut the uni, I was actually a bit glad that I don’t have to move back to my uni house with them. It is actually almost quite funny- I had had countless phone calls dying with my parents, talks with friends and constant wondering if there would be anyway I could live somewhere else for last term of uni, because I had got to the point where I was scared to be in that house. And then a global pandemic hit, and here I am back at home, a whole plane ride away from that house. You know I almost felt low-key guilty, that maybe this was God answering my prayers to not have to make me go back to live there for last term, but then again, I don’t think that a worldwide virus was sent form etc heavens to protect me from my scary housemates. (Disclaimer: I would rather be back in the house (RIP), than be in the situation that we are in with so many people dying and losing jobs- just needed to clarify that)

So, here I am safe at home, away from cold uni houses and scary and mean housemates. But, we still have to pay rent, as most students do, so I paid my rent obviously. Six of my housemates paid their rent. And then one didn’t. Why does this happen to me :(((

She’s not paying rent, because we are not living their last term, and now the landlord is going to make us cover her rent, because neither her or her guarantor are answering his messages. We are all bloody ‘jointly and severely liable’ (I now hate that phrase with a passion) and basically have to pay.

You know what, this is literally just what has to happen to top of the nightmare house. I get such a sick feeling in my stomach when I think about that house; kind of the way you feel when people mention an exam question that you have done and now you answered incorrectly, and know that you messed up but there’s not going back now. That gut wrenching, sick sick sick feeling, where when someone mentions is, or I see messages on our house group chat (as I saw many last night) I literally feel like I’m having an inward panic attack. I feel scared, I feel dizzy and I just want to crawl into bed and never leave, because the outside world is full of opportunities for me to make mistakes and bad decisions and oh dear oh dear.

So I have woken up today, literals not even that angry, but just accepting now that it is what it is and accept my fate and get on with it. Thank God I have the best, most loving and kind family in the world, and I plan on staying indoors for as long as the government want.

Day forty seven… well day forty five now seems a bit silly because it’s all sorted now. I tend to do that a lot- really worry and overthink things and then panic profusely and then realise that there was really no need to waste that much of my happiness worrying about something that was out of my control and realistically was going to be sorted anyway. 

Still, it was dramatic and my house group chat was buzzing all day- things had really escalated, people were taking other house member sot court, we were all going to get a CPG or something (looking back now it is slightly extreme that I believed I would get a criminal record because another house member hasn’t paid her rent, but then again, we become irrational when we panic) and tensions were extremely high- words that shall not be repeated on this blog were directed at certain household members. (Side note: I am 100% one of the silent member of the group chat- I say nothing and nothing is said to me, I have lost enough of my mental sanity interacting being in that house, so now when I can be silent on the other end of a phone I will be ) 

Well, in the end the girl has paid her rent and bish bash bosh, it’s all sorted. What a waste of tears in the end. I just cannot wait until the 1st August, when all financial bonds tying me to that house are gone, and I am free to leave the group chat and move on with my life. It is such a thing though, I remember my mum telling me one time, that social media means that you can never escape things really. In the olden days (lol) if someone was bullied at school, they can come home and be safe and leave all of that in the playground. But now, if someone is bullied, they cannot lock u their room, hop on a plane and come home to escape it all, because every few weeks there will be a ding on the Facebook chat, and the nightmare has transported itself into my lovely home. Still, hopefully that should be it for a wee while longer, and I can begin to relax again. 

day forty four and five

Forty four… I did my first family pub quiz and come to the realisation that I am shite at pub quizzes. I really want to up my general knowledge because I feel like everyone is going to come out of lockdown being able to smash lots of random pub quiz questions, and I do not want to be left behind. I used one created by one of my fav youtubers- The Anna Edit, and would recommend, however I literally have an embarrassingly great lack of knowledge about any 90s celebrities, music or film, and I feel like this is something I should know.

Funny enough, I remember when I was younger we used to go on family holidays to places in England (because we could never afford to go abroad so always chilled at the beach in Cornwall or Devon and pretended we were in the blazing uni in Malaga lol) and would stay at those family resorts, where in the evening they had entertainment and quizzes and stuff. I remember there was once a TV and film quiz I think, and literally our family knew nothing, and ended up coming last- like very last out of the whole camp. We were given a prize for being the worst and I remember we were given a frisbee because the guys leading the quiz said we must spend so much time outside instead of watching TV. I mean, its quite a weak flex, but a flex all the same. I feel like me and my sister were never really engaged in popular culture growing up- we never grew up listening to McFly or Busted like other people our age, and we didn’t have Disney Channel (because we literally had a TV with a big back to it until I was like 13 (which was by the way 2013, when every other single family had a flatscreen, we were still having to put video tapes in to record stuff on our massive box TV) so never got engaged in popular culture. Instead we listened a lot to weird country music and watched Panorama with most mum lollll. So maybe I can blame my failures at those genres in pub quizzes on that, but since I still suck at the history and geography rounds instead as well, so I guess I can’t use it as a full excuse.

What else did I do, except a pub quiz? Well, I did MyTutor, and the reason the boy never got back to me last day was because his wifi cut out, not because he thinks I’m a low-key paedophile so thats good news :). And I went for a walk alone and… nothing else really. Lovely.

Forty five… I slept in until 8.20 thank goodness, so I’m clearly getting back to a good sleep pattern. I think its because I didn’t read late that night as much as usual- although I have got to admit I am actually really starting to enjoy To Kill a Mockingbird. I woke up in a good mood, ready to enjoy my day and then went downstairs for breakfast and then my sister said to me

“you seem in a bad mood, are you alright?”

I feel like saying that sort of thing is juts enough to put someone in a bad mood, you know? It’s like when you’re stressed and then someone says “calm down” and all that does is make you very much less calm than you ever were. So then, I said that I was fine, but she insisted that I was not. It seemed to me that SHE was in a bad mood, and just wanted to map that unto me, so then I that did indeed put me in a bad mood. And then that turned into a proper argument, and then you know when you start auguring about something, and then end up arguing about everything. It’s kind of unfair, because my sister is very stressed about her exams (fair enough) but then uses me as something she can place her stress on. So then, my mum and dad go involved (very unnecessary, but I think they like when me and my sister argue, because its more often that my parents are involved in the argument, rather than being the mediators, so its quite a novelty for them) and this then lasted two flipping hours. One could say a waste of a morning, but I think it was a productive argument, because everyone could get some unvented emotions off their chest, and now the air is clearer I guess.

After all that was sorted, my dad and I went for a really marvellous walk! It is literally a 5 minutes drive from my house, but somewhere I have never been, and the view across the whole of the city was just unreal. I also tapped into my inner child self and climbed a few trees, because it was a beautiful forest walk, and breathed the really fresh woody air, and felt really very free. I think I may be returning a walk there again very soon. We then went to a different bakery than usual. and I got a cherry and walnut soda bread, which I had never heard of before, but which was absolutely delicious. So all in all the day had picked up a bit.

I am going to watch another episode of Normal People tonight; I don’t really like it, but its getting lots of hype so there must be something good about it. I’m watching it with my sister so at least it will be a bonding session.